The Lion and the Lame

HAH! look at that! i made a witty pun! i win at being funny now, right?

ANYWAYS! i went and saw Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part II tonight! it was...oh my god, guys, it was the most goddamn ridiculous movie i have EVER seen! and i've seen this!

 those polar bears are sad because they just sat through that shit storm or a documentary

                         

I was instructed by my sisters [who i went to see this with, because FUCK I WOULD NOT PAY FOR THAT SHIT OTHERWISE!] that i was not allowed to make jokes or laugh too loudly at the movie since it was their first time seeing it. for those of you who don't know, there's a big twist at the end of the movie. i already knew said twist because i don't give to flying, golden shits about those shitty-ass books. 

i think the chess pieces have something to do with sex or some shit? i don't know.

i would like to point out some things about this movie, guys.

as most of you know,  Jacob [Bella's ex-pseudo-werewolf-boyfriend, played by Taylor Lautner] FALLS IN LOVE WITH A BABY! Bella and Edward's creepy-ass halfie baby. Let's just all take a minute here. he imprints* [*read: 'FALLS IN LOVE WITH] his Ex-girlfriends crazy mutant baby! you can rationalize that all you want, but he's still in love with an 8 year old. 

#SPOILERSPOILERSPOILERQUITREADINGIFYOUGIVEASHITABOUTTHISFRANCHISE#

they ACTUALLY go the "it was all a dream" route at the end. you know all those trailers with the huge epic battle? yeah. it was all Alice showing the evil lead vampire what would happen if he kept being a flamboyant douche.

THIS MOTHER FUCKER!

look at that crazy bitch!

oh my FUCKING SHIT! this asshole! oh my GOD he has hilarious! he just overacted the hell out of his part. i'd say he almost makes the whole damn thing worth while...though that may very well be the whiskey talking at this point...

....ugh, speaking of which, it's late and i've had a few so i think i'm gonna go to bed. I'm sure i'll make another post about this ridiculousness some other time. a post that is more thought out and cohesive than this. in the mean time

                                                                       HAPPY THANKSGIVING BITCHES!

the apples make it healthy, right?

>Mar